I am such a letdown

I'm the last bait and switch you ever expected
I'm the unhappy ending in the John Cusack movie
I'm the broken hearts across the highway
I'm the awkward moment just before you try to kiss her, that moment after when she tells you how you're better off just friends
I'm the terrible cold feeling in your stomach that says you can't change what you are
I'm the lost cause, the dying breed
The romantic gesture that she never asked for
I'm self-loathing, fear and violence, with a dash of jealous spite
These grapes never tasted so sour
I'm the busy signal tonight, when you call her and she's still on with him
I'm the joke you never understood, you smile and nod while they all roll on the ground
I am dirty and stupid and weak and pathetic and awkward and all the things my father never was
I'm afraid I'll never change, stubbornly, I've painted us into this corner
Mostly I'm just sorry. I never meant to bring on all this shame. I meant to check this baggage at the curb.

Xo,

J