Raining

It's raining here again
Last night, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling and listened to the rain play a drum beat in the alley.
I've been feeling less and less like myself lately, more out of control
I've never been so scared for so long
I'm starting to wonder if I have some sort of chemical imbalance
Maybe it's just me giving in to those voices in my head telling me I need to listen to her heart
Maybe it's just me being maudlin
Maybe the music speaks to me because I feel that way
But then again, who's to say the music isn't causing the misery
I've got a real chicken and egg dilemma on my hands
Oh well, time to get back to work and trying not to dwell

I am such a letdown

I'm the last bait and switch you ever expected
I'm the unhappy ending in the John Cusack movie
I'm the broken hearts across the highway
I'm the awkward moment just before you try to kiss her, that moment after when she tells you how you're better off just friends
I'm the terrible cold feeling in your stomach that says you can't change what you are
I'm the lost cause, the dying breed
The romantic gesture that she never asked for
I'm self-loathing, fear and violence, with a dash of jealous spite
These grapes never tasted so sour
I'm the busy signal tonight, when you call her and she's still on with him
I'm the joke you never understood, you smile and nod while they all roll on the ground
I am dirty and stupid and weak and pathetic and awkward and all the things my father never was
I'm afraid I'll never change, stubbornly, I've painted us into this corner
Mostly I'm just sorry. I never meant to bring on all this shame. I meant to check this baggage at the curb.

Xo,

J

R.I.P. Bootsie

Bootsie was a good cat,
She was a loving cat, she sat and was petted often
Bootsie lost her fight with kitty cancer today

let's all take a moment of silence for Bootsie

Blackberry test

That's right kids, I've wrangled myself a blackberry. Right now its kind of tough for me to send emails from my gmail account, but I can still receive emails and reply. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll have the kinks worked out, but until then the end of all the posts I send will have that obnoxious message, sent from blackberry wireless device. That's all for now, I'll try to write more later.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Birthday Girl

Guess who's birthday it is today?

That's right. Say happy birthday to a special lady.

You want apologies?

girl you might hold your breath, until your breathing stops forever
the only thing you'll get, is this curse on your lips
I hope they taste of me forever