Of hearts and scars...

sometimes the best way to connect is to disconnect from everything else. i think you knew i was watching you sleep, wishing to save that memory forever, but my memory isn't what it used to be. a beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking jack and cokes all morning.
i watched the tape last night over and over again until the batteries ran out of juice. i'm pretty sure i caught a glimpse of your heart.
i fought off the void, that cold feeling of despair, talked it out fought it out in the ring inside my head

the ring
how long can i wait? i guess we'll see.

october never seemed so far away, but the summer never ends when you're around.

handicapped parking never seemed so appealing.

i can still see the mark you left over my heart, feel it underneath my clothes.

"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy..."

Dear S.G.M@Gmail.com,
Thank you.

Love,

J

Today i've scored a small victory. I threw several small fits and tantrums, but overall, chalk up a w for team josh! Now for day 2

Zero Days

I feel like I'm one of those trailer-parks in Florida with a sign out front that says:

It has been:
0
Days since our last disaster.

I'm working on putting a whole week together.

I'm back

I'm still mopey, I'm still Emo (just for you) and I'm still a wreck.  But at least now I can write about it.

Sometimes I get mad
But life and love are to learn
I am still learning

Sometimes we don't speak
The same language or listen
My heart hears you best

Hello New Year

Hello,
It's been a while since I've written anything. I want this year to go like this:

• I want to be a real man, the way my Dad is a real man. Right now I'm not sure I am.
  
• I want to tell those around me that I love them
• But I want to show them more
• I wish I were a better person, but I don't know how
• I want to get out from under my own crushing self
• I want to feel adequate in lots of things
• I want you to feel special and wonderful and unique and everything I've ever dreamed of wanting, because you are. I just want to figure out how to show it all the time.

That's all. Over and out.

PS. Sorry I'm such a jerk, it seems I can't help it.