Transitions

Everything needs to fade from starlight into bright of day
From what I hear
Nothing gold can stay
But Billy West got a new lease on life
Maybe things won't be so bad for me
I still have a long way to go though

I've always had this sort of lifetime near-sightedness
When I was 18, I never thought I'd live past 25 for whatever reason. I just couldn't imagine myself then, what my life would be like
Had a girlfriend back then.
She used to ask me about the future all the time, was she in it and all that.
I would always just say that I couldn't see myself in the future
Really had a problem visualizing it
But it sounded like a shitty, passive-aggressive way of saying “don't plan on sticking around, babydoll.”
But I was telling the truth, maybe I just don't have a future
So when it finally dawned on me, that I'd probably make it past 25, I had to start making other plans
Took the peircing out of my tongue
I want to still have my teeth in ten years
Quit smoking
Don't want to be coughing out my lungs at 45
You get the idea

So now I'm in another kind of transisiton
Relationship crucible
I guess you got to just be yourself
Run it up the flagpole and see what happens
Sink or swim
Just say what's on your mind
For better or for worse

Last time...

I tried to sleep
Without you in the room,
Didn't go so well.

I miss you terribly.

Xo,

J

Well I guess it's true
Pete writes hits
I just write hitlists
I'm not a hitman
I'm not even really a hit, man
I'm not really a rockstar, but I rolled him over while he was passed out
Stone-drunk on the floor
Stole his wallet, watch and keys
All I still have is his day planner
It's a struggle to make every date
Every photo op with paris
I get spread thin, worn out
Always on a plane
Hoodie up, headphones on
Every three weeks
Like clockwork
Now it's to vegas
On to Minneapolis/St. Paul
On the run
Towards something instead of away
Kind of a reverse witness protection program
Only she's the mafia don
And I look terrible in the nun's habit
All washed out in black and white
The way pictures look taken with disposable cameras
Disposable camera, pictures forever
Though it always seems like the memory fades much faster than the picture
I've told the new philly story so many times it seems like it almost just that
A story
Passed away into legend, you me and andrea

-J

Tonight I sit with the dark again
Guns drawn, aimed into the distance
Routine again
Stomach, throat, eyes on fire
Deep inside, churning
My fingertips tap out this message
sos from my sinking ship, I let the ring slip out of my fingers
Loose lips and all
Soon I'll be back in the cold
Lungs and skin flushed with heavy breathing
Hard
Hard.
In the dark no one can see you blush so what does it matter?
Why can't I just let the cat out of my bag
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
Another shot in the dark
Another shot
Another shot...
Bottom line? I'm part martyr, part used car salesman. Sorry, but that's just how the math works

At the same time

Once, when I was in college, I dated two girls at the same time
It wasn't very pleasant for me
I don't think I'm really built for that sort of thing
I'm really only built to date one woman at a time
I mentioned that to a coworker today because she had been dating 3 guys named Alex all at the same time
I realized, what the hell was I thinking?
Why have two angry, unsatisfied women in your life when you could just have the one
Just thinking

Holding on...

I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready... Holding on tightly, don't give away the ending
The darkest hours only hightlight the shadows
It's all easy days and fun and games until someone loses their heart
It's hardest to see the fight, through the dark of the night, in the heart of what's right, through someone else's eyes
I can't tell you how hard I've been trying, how much I've let go of

-J

Sunday's best

Good morning blog. A happy Sunday to you.
I haven't written anything anyone can understand in kind of a while so I thought since I have a few minutes this morning, I'd give it a shot.
Right now I'm working on another show for ABC. I don't know what it's going to be called but right now it's being referred to in our office as the "dream project." Basically it's a wish fulfillment show with a dash of interesting people, fun hosts and good stories. Think three wishes with less crying. I just went to a town called Temecula last night and held an open call. We had a great turnout and I even got a spicy Italianan sausage before I left. That's what I call a good time.
In personal news I just saw the movie version of Silent Hill. Jesus, that movie is pretty disturbing. Christophe Gans, the director, was obviously in love with the video games because you probably couldn't have gotten a more faithful version of this series. Every detail was spot on, and even ramped up a little. The art direction was wonderfully layered and properly decomposed. The architecture of Silent Hill remains just as unsettling and disorienting in the interior shots, and just as desolate and dirty in the exterior shots. The atmospheric sound design is still intact for the most part with a few other sounds and pop songs thrown in. I really enjoyed this film, despite the fact that something absolutely horrific, graphic and disturbing is happening onscreen about once every 15 minutes. You have been warned (one woman gets her skin torn off like yanking off a sweater, just as an example).
Ok, enough of the dark imagery. In case you haven't figured out from the last 8 months of cryptic poetry and non-tech related posts, I've been dating a lovely young reporter from Ohio. We actually met at an open casting call for another show I was working on (and no, she wasn't trying out for the show, she was writing about it for the newspaper). So she now lives in Minnesota and works for two different newspapers and I'm still working in TV casting. The distance has been tough and it takes a lot of effort to make it work, but like they always say, when you know, you just know. It's exciting, I can't even tell you. Keep checking back here and hopefully before too long (a handful of months) I'll be telling you all to look out for her here in California. Nothing would make me happier.

Josh

Hearts/hates

hearts
* reggie
* new music
* my Dad
* travelling
* summer air
* movies in the theater, sitting in the dark
* literature
* listening for the first time in a long time
* making Mn radio happen
* feeling clear-headed again

* you (I know you read this)

hates
* waiting to talk
* myspace
* stupid people
* short lunches
* stress-induced twitching
* distance

Stay golden,

J

Yahoo hooks up with BlackBerry

BlackBerry users will be able to get e-mail and instant messaging services from Yahoo under a deal expected to be announced tomorrow at the CTIA show in Las Vegas.

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Raining

It's raining here again
Last night, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling and listened to the rain play a drum beat in the alley.
I've been feeling less and less like myself lately, more out of control
I've never been so scared for so long
I'm starting to wonder if I have some sort of chemical imbalance
Maybe it's just me giving in to those voices in my head telling me I need to listen to her heart
Maybe it's just me being maudlin
Maybe the music speaks to me because I feel that way
But then again, who's to say the music isn't causing the misery
I've got a real chicken and egg dilemma on my hands
Oh well, time to get back to work and trying not to dwell